so i use dove's gradual tanning lotion, which is like jergen's natural glow (but smells better).
anyways i always wash my hands afterwards, like the bottle instructs, to avoid orange palms.
but the thing is, i want the BACKS of my hands to be tan, because it looks weird if my arms are but then my hands are suddenly pale.
so if i put the stuff on the back of my hands, i'd have to wash my palms again! a vicious cycle is what it is!
hahaha has anybody figured some trick out?
please, any help at all is appreciated!
thanks!
Weird self-tanning question?
I do this all the time. When you are through with your self tanner, wash your hands really good, and then dry them ALL the way. Then use a cotton ball and put just a little self tanner on it (without your finger touching the self tanner) and then evenly blend in the self tanner that is on the cotton ball to your hands and make sure you blend it down through your arm and wrist. this will give you a beautiful tan hand, without the orange palms.
Reply:just wipe the palms of your hands on a washrag.
Reply:After I wash my hands, I'll put a little on a tissue and apply it to the backs of my hands.
Reply:try squeezing a bit on the back of your hand once youve already washedn them then rubbing your backs of your hands together. or have someone else put it on you there and then get them to wash their hands....or you could just not wash your hands every other time, cuz your palms wont get too orange from that mild self tanner
Reply:use a baby wipe and just wipe off your palms...or maybe get some hand cream that is water repellant and put it on the back of your hands. I know they sell it..especially for people who wash their hands a lot ,like nurses.
Reply:Try putting the lotion on a makeup sponge and using that to rub it in. That way it doesn't get on your palms.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I plan on making today the best day i've had in a long time...?
My dog of 14 years passed away a week ago and i have been devastated all week. He was there for me for more than half of my life (im 22) through my first heartbreak and everything. It's hard because I have never lost someone so close to me before. I dont know how to go from having him and caring for him everyday for 14 years to not having him around. I couldnt sleep tonight so i find myself here on the computer. And hours on end i finally decided that im not going to the office today and instead i wanna get lost in some corner booth in mexico with a bottle of tequilla. today im going to spend money. i want to go to the beach, man i can use a pina colada and a little sun on my skin. hang out with the locals and be a beach bum in the palm tree paradise. im never gonna look back once my feet touch the sand.
I plan on making today the best day i've had in a long time...?
I'm sorry about you're dog, I know how you feel, you will feel better soon, you are doing the right thing and getting out and doing something for you're self. have lots of fun.
Reply:sorry for your loss. but the grieving process is something that you need to experience. think about all the great times the two of you had and remember its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. a dog is a special friend whos always there for you be strong and running and drinking and hiding will only make the pain worse later deal wit it
Reply:I'm very sorry for the loss, of your beloved dog!! A dog truly is a mans best friend.my dog is 11 now and i dread the day, i have to put him to sleep. so go have your PINACOLADA,and enjoy your day .
Reply:I am sorry about your loss.....come to me and we can have lunch together.....seriously though honey stay focused.....enjoy your day whatever you decide to do..xx
I plan on making today the best day i've had in a long time...?
I'm sorry about you're dog, I know how you feel, you will feel better soon, you are doing the right thing and getting out and doing something for you're self. have lots of fun.
Reply:sorry for your loss. but the grieving process is something that you need to experience. think about all the great times the two of you had and remember its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. a dog is a special friend whos always there for you be strong and running and drinking and hiding will only make the pain worse later deal wit it
Reply:I'm very sorry for the loss, of your beloved dog!! A dog truly is a mans best friend.my dog is 11 now and i dread the day, i have to put him to sleep. so go have your PINACOLADA,and enjoy your day .
Reply:I am sorry about your loss.....come to me and we can have lunch together.....seriously though honey stay focused.....enjoy your day whatever you decide to do..xx
What do you collect?
Everyone i know has a collection of something. One has a whole room dedicated to palm trees, another has one of full beer bottles saved over the years. whats yours?
What do you collect?
I enjoy coin collecting. It doesn't have to cost a lot. I can go to the bank and pick of a box of coin (whichever denomination I'm in the mood for) for exactly face value. A box of pennies is $25, a box of nickels is $100, a box of dimes is $250 and boxes of half dollars or quarters are $500.
Once I get a box, I can go through and pull out the better coins (there are books to help with this or websites). I keep all interesting coins and try to fill holes in my coin book.
The coins that I don't want/need can be returned to the bank and put straight back into my account (though it's often better to return the coins to a different bank (not just a different branch but a different bank) so that I don't end up searching the same boxes over and over). So most of my money goes back and I can then get another box.
Some things to search for: wheat pennies, silver dimes, silver quarters, old coins, error coins, etc. There's always the chance of finding a real treasure!
Reply:I collect: Unicorns figurines, miniture tea sets, coins and old family pictures.
Reply:I too collect coins but unlike Blue T, I collect, at least these days, ancient and medieval coins from Asia as well as coins that are historic. Back in my younger days I did the same thing Blue T does. The strangest collection I have ever seen is when I went to college in California, a friends dad collected carburetors. They were all over the place and his wife finally made him build shelves in his garage to put them on, she was tired of having dinner I guess, with carburetors on the kitchen table. Anyway, coin collecting is fun and you can learn a lot about your country or others by the coinage.
Reply:heehee. I collect rubber duckies. rofl. I'm serious too. I have a ton. For my birthday, my friends all got me duck themed stuff. Like I have a rubber duckie blanket and one found even found flashing light up ducks. haha, that was cool. And yeah. I have lots now. My room was overflowing with them by the end of the first year ^^ heehee.
Reply:I collect figurines from Harmony Kingdom. I included the website. It can be a bit pricey but check out e-bay to buy them cheaper. My favorite is the ladybug. His name is Byron. Each figurine has a few secrets inside. When you get to the site, click harmony garden. Have fun!
www.harmonykingdom.com
Reply:I collect manga books. I have a room full of em...I read them over and over again!
Reply:I collect coins, banknotes (bills), sugar packets (emptied), phonecards, postcards, pins, stamps, crown caps, air mail labels, flags, stickers, overall, I am a total junkie!
See my website: http://sonataca.tripod.com
I am also starting on two new collections, keychains and souvenir fridge magnets.
Reply:I collect paper dolls. I have seventy-six (at last count), mostly ethnic and historical, including a complete set of American Girls Collection paper dolls.
I used to collect souvenir spoons, but I got bored.
I also have 18 Barbies--mostly not collector Barbies, just regular. I knit clothes for them.
And I have a little Captain America stuff (hard to find now), a few model sailing ships, and some suncatchers.
My sister collects porcelain dolls. She has about two dozen, all currently on top of our piano while she rearranges her room.
My mom collects Spider-Man stuff. Her study's full of it and it's overflowing into her bedroom. She even has a three-foot-tall Spider-Man action figure that sits on top of her escritoire, next to her Mary-Jane-in-wedding-dress Barbie, wearing Spider-Man slippers and holding a Spider-Man rubber ball. And she has three little Burger King Spider-Men in black costumes, which she's painting red and blue. And a Spider-Man placemat and a set of four Spider-Man jigsaw puzzles and two Spider-Man fleece blankets and a beach towel and a little Spider-Man that my sister carved out of soap and painted for her for Christmas. And Spider-Man pencils and pens and . . . you get the idea.
Reply:Blue and white china. I just think it is so classic and beautiful.
Reply:I collect autographed jerseys. the price of all the jerseys together is about 25,000.
I hoped i helped with your question EJ.
P.S. THIS IS A SERIOUS ANSWER
Reply:Dolls
Reply:I collect ink cartridges.Its very tuff to get all the colors of the spectrum. theres only color and black...tisk tisk
Reply:I have tons of collections...I collect antique cameras, irish stuff, growlers (beer jugs), shot glasses, coins....too much!!! :)
Reply:shoes =)
Reply:Wizard of Oz stuff... all coectables, dolls, glasses, bags, books, patterns, figurines, EVERYTHING to do with it!
Reply:trains!
Gta vice city mp question
What do you collect?
I enjoy coin collecting. It doesn't have to cost a lot. I can go to the bank and pick of a box of coin (whichever denomination I'm in the mood for) for exactly face value. A box of pennies is $25, a box of nickels is $100, a box of dimes is $250 and boxes of half dollars or quarters are $500.
Once I get a box, I can go through and pull out the better coins (there are books to help with this or websites). I keep all interesting coins and try to fill holes in my coin book.
The coins that I don't want/need can be returned to the bank and put straight back into my account (though it's often better to return the coins to a different bank (not just a different branch but a different bank) so that I don't end up searching the same boxes over and over). So most of my money goes back and I can then get another box.
Some things to search for: wheat pennies, silver dimes, silver quarters, old coins, error coins, etc. There's always the chance of finding a real treasure!
Reply:I collect: Unicorns figurines, miniture tea sets, coins and old family pictures.
Reply:I too collect coins but unlike Blue T, I collect, at least these days, ancient and medieval coins from Asia as well as coins that are historic. Back in my younger days I did the same thing Blue T does. The strangest collection I have ever seen is when I went to college in California, a friends dad collected carburetors. They were all over the place and his wife finally made him build shelves in his garage to put them on, she was tired of having dinner I guess, with carburetors on the kitchen table. Anyway, coin collecting is fun and you can learn a lot about your country or others by the coinage.
Reply:heehee. I collect rubber duckies. rofl. I'm serious too. I have a ton. For my birthday, my friends all got me duck themed stuff. Like I have a rubber duckie blanket and one found even found flashing light up ducks. haha, that was cool. And yeah. I have lots now. My room was overflowing with them by the end of the first year ^^ heehee.
Reply:I collect figurines from Harmony Kingdom. I included the website. It can be a bit pricey but check out e-bay to buy them cheaper. My favorite is the ladybug. His name is Byron. Each figurine has a few secrets inside. When you get to the site, click harmony garden. Have fun!
www.harmonykingdom.com
Reply:I collect manga books. I have a room full of em...I read them over and over again!
Reply:I collect coins, banknotes (bills), sugar packets (emptied), phonecards, postcards, pins, stamps, crown caps, air mail labels, flags, stickers, overall, I am a total junkie!
See my website: http://sonataca.tripod.com
I am also starting on two new collections, keychains and souvenir fridge magnets.
Reply:I collect paper dolls. I have seventy-six (at last count), mostly ethnic and historical, including a complete set of American Girls Collection paper dolls.
I used to collect souvenir spoons, but I got bored.
I also have 18 Barbies--mostly not collector Barbies, just regular. I knit clothes for them.
And I have a little Captain America stuff (hard to find now), a few model sailing ships, and some suncatchers.
My sister collects porcelain dolls. She has about two dozen, all currently on top of our piano while she rearranges her room.
My mom collects Spider-Man stuff. Her study's full of it and it's overflowing into her bedroom. She even has a three-foot-tall Spider-Man action figure that sits on top of her escritoire, next to her Mary-Jane-in-wedding-dress Barbie, wearing Spider-Man slippers and holding a Spider-Man rubber ball. And she has three little Burger King Spider-Men in black costumes, which she's painting red and blue. And a Spider-Man placemat and a set of four Spider-Man jigsaw puzzles and two Spider-Man fleece blankets and a beach towel and a little Spider-Man that my sister carved out of soap and painted for her for Christmas. And Spider-Man pencils and pens and . . . you get the idea.
Reply:Blue and white china. I just think it is so classic and beautiful.
Reply:I collect autographed jerseys. the price of all the jerseys together is about 25,000.
I hoped i helped with your question EJ.
P.S. THIS IS A SERIOUS ANSWER
Reply:Dolls
Reply:I collect ink cartridges.Its very tuff to get all the colors of the spectrum. theres only color and black...tisk tisk
Reply:I have tons of collections...I collect antique cameras, irish stuff, growlers (beer jugs), shot glasses, coins....too much!!! :)
Reply:shoes =)
Reply:Wizard of Oz stuff... all coectables, dolls, glasses, bags, books, patterns, figurines, EVERYTHING to do with it!
Reply:trains!
Gta vice city mp question
Need your help- Writing first draft of novel need some feedback here is part of a chapter-?
Chapter 4
A Chance of a Lifetime
“Aaron, where is everybody?” I asked as I saw Aaron sitting alone in front of the whaleback ship.“You know how it is Kyra—they had their own things to do. Last night they came because they were curious who I was, um interested in. That’s all.” Alone at last! Alone—with a dragon! Mister caramel lightly dipped in dark chocolate eyes! The eyes that I felt I could meld into…“Kyra. Kyra!”“ Huh?” “ Am I so boring that you have to day dream when you’re with me?” he smirked, gently caressing my cheek.“No! No! I was just thinking.” Whew, if he only knew the affect his eyes had on me. “So Aaron, what are we going to do tonight? Jump in the lake, cascade over mountains, or talk.” I was so busy staring into his eyes that I he had already changed into his dragon form and was flipping me onto his back.“ Aiii…” I screamed, surprised.“Let’s talk” I heard him say in my head as we flew low over the water.“Boat! Boat!” was all I could scream as a boat quickly appeared in our path. I closed my eyes not wanting to see the impact. Instead, I felt the slight shift in Aaron’s body as he coasted out of its path.“You can open your eyes now.” he gurgled and snorted. Was he laughing!“Ya go ahead and laugh at me” I fumed, “You wouldn’t think it so funny if we would have crashed.” His gurgling and snorting continued, he was laughing so hard his body was shaking, tickling me as I hung on.“Stop.. hahaha… that!”
We landed at top of the Aerial Lift Bridge.
The glow of the Duluth/Superior lights were all around us as I gawked at the pristine beauty of the lights, lake and the night. I could see small white shapes floating, reflecting the city lights on the lake.
“Those are seagulls.”“Seagulls? I thought they would find some warm, dry place to sleep on land.” “ Seagulls are opportunists. They sleep in their nests when the have young otherwise they sleep anywhere they are away from their predators, and I don’t think Lake Superior has many predators that can eat a live healthy seagull.”“ Do you eat seagulls?”“ Na, some of the others do but for me they’re too feathery. Yuck! Last time I tried one it took me weeks to get the feathers out of my teeth!” I hope he brushes his teeth! Yuck! Carefully, he set me down on the beam he had been standing on—changing back. The winds off the lake scared me, as they blew I had to struggle to maintain my footing.“Aaron!” I cried as my feet slipped out from under me. I was falling!“Gotcha!” he said in my ear. We were both sitting down, me in his lap, and his strong-arms tightly around me. We sat there in silence—watching. Watching—together—in his arms—clouds float by, the ships cast in darkness on the lake- rolling with a glimmer of light. “Kyra, what did you want to ask me?” His breath tickled my ear.“Huh? Oh!” I said as his voice seeped through the fog of my mind. “I wanted to know why are there dragons here and why this area? In all the books I read, dragons exist everywhere but here!” “ Dragons like humans are everywhere. It’s just we choose to live hidden—if most humans knew we really did exist, they would try to put us in zoo’s and dissect us; trying to find out whether we were more like lizards or snakes. Through history we have learned that humans kill what they are afraid of, even themselves…”
I kissed him. On the cheek- I couldn’t help myself- he seemed so, sad.
“We would rather live in our dragon form, but with humans, living almost everywhere on the earth—if we wanted to survive—we didn’t have a choice.”I started to think about what might happened if someone, anyone who was not willing to keep their secret proved Aaron and his kind existed and who they were as humans.“Aaron, can you choose what you look like as a human?”“No, we can only choose the age.”“Your age! How old are you, as a dragon?” I never thought about how long the legends said dragons could live. I guess I just assumed he was my age even in dragon. “Hmm.. about 225 years old. Give or take a couple years.”“ 225! Than why are you hanging out with me? I’m a little young aren’t I?”Aaron explained to me how dragon age and human age is not the same; just like a dog’s age is not really the same as a human. That in approximation of dragon age he was about the same age as me and had as much to learn about the world as I did. “Feel better?” he laughed, hugging me tighter.“Yes much better, I was starting to think all I was to you was a plaything.”“Never! Are you hungry?”“ A little. Why are you?”“ Famished!”
Did he say famished? Oh no! I never asked him if he ate humans!
“Umm—you don’t eat people do you?” “Only those that annoy me.” He laughed, teasingly. Whew, that was a relief. Feeling playful—I leaned close to his ear and whispered, “I don’t annoy you do I.”
Aaron grabbed me and threw me up into the air of the brisk moonlit night. My scream lost in my throat. He won’t let me fall to my death- right? I was only teasing. I felt the wind blow against my body—suffocating me as I tried to scream-I was going to pass out! I watched as the ground rose to meet me. “Aaron WHAT did I do?” I tried to scream when all of a sudden I was jerked hard upright, thrown into the air once again and landed safely on Aarons back. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. Let’s go eat!” Eat—eat—does he think I feel like eating after almost crashing to my death because of him?“I’m NOT hungry. Humph…” I said, kicking him in the side.“I said I was sorry—what more do you want?” Does he think I am going to talk to him, after what he did?“Kyra, I was just playing. Please, please believe me when I tell you I would have never let anything happen to you!”“ PLAYING, PLAYING! YOU call that playing?”“ I guess to someone who can’t fly, I can understand how they wouldn’t think that as playing.”“ You got that right!”
We landed in a secluded area on the rocky shores of Canal Park.“Where to?”“Follow my lead.” Aaron said once he changed in human form, holding my hand in his and led the way. We only had to walk a little ways before arriving at a restaurant.
“Have you ever eaten here Kyra?”
“Ya, the food’s yummy.”
“Yummy?”
“Yes, yummy.”
He looked confused. Hasn’t he ever heard the word yummy before? He ordered a big steak with all the works, and I politely said, “The same!” as the server took our order. He looked surprised but not as surprised as I was for how bold I was being. Why not? Didn’t he throw me off the top of the Arial Lift Bridge? A girl can really work up an appetite once the shock wears off a near death experience.
“I guess you’re afraid that this might be your last meal?” Aaron said as he laughed from across the table.“Aaron, what do people think when at school you’re in a wheelchair and out of school your not?”“I just make sure to avoid them. Usually after school I am at places they aren’t—unless of course they can change into birds.” “ Why the wheel chair? You don’t need it?”Aaron explained to me how he chose to be in a wheelchair at school; that he couldn’t walk—even if he tried. “Why? How can you walk one minute and than not the next? I don’t understand.”
“We all do—sometime during our lives.”
He looked so uncomfortable—as if he was telling me a deep dark secret.
“So—how about those Twins,” I chirped.
“Twins, aren’t they baseball? We’re in football season now.”
I smacked my head with the palm of my hand. How could I forget it was football season? I lived on the Wisconsin-Minnesota border—all the rivalry going on between Packer and Viking fans was almost as interesting as the sport itself. Our talking ebbed as our food arrived— shoveling bite after bite as if we were starving in our hungry mouths.
“We have to hurry or you’re going to be late!” Aaron said after he paid for our food and left a sizable tip for the server.We rushed out the door, running down the street towards the white and black lighthouse on Canal Park. “Why—are—we going there?” I asked Aaron when we were half way there.“People on the rocks,” was all he said as he grabbed my hand and hurried me along. With a flick of his wrist, I was cast into the air, landing on his back with a thud. I hadn’t even realized Aaron had changed into a dragon all ready. “How do you do that!” I called to him as the wind whipped my voice away, making it a whisper.“How do I do what?”“Change into a dragon so quickly? Isn’t it difficult?”“ It is more difficult for me to change into human form than it is my original form-think about it?”
I suppose it would be just as difficult for a human to change into a dragon—the scales instead of hair, big pointy teeth, and razor sharp claws instead of finger nails. I could name a few people who probably wouldn’t have any difficulties with the claws, since they always seem to have them bared and ready to use. “Ha ha ha,” I was laughing so hard tears streamed down my cheeks—Aaron had to shift to balance me—I almost fell off Aaron’s back.“What’s so funny that you could have fallen to your doom?”“Claws!” I cried and laughed even harder.“Claws? What is so funny about claws?” As we landed in the alley behind my house, I tried to explain to him how some people seemed too always have their claws out. He did not understand until I used a few examples using some kids from school. “Oh, I get it!”I wasn’t sure he did, but I think he understood a little better before I told him goodbye and gave him a quick peck on the cheek – running into the house so I would not be late.
“Kyra! I was worried about you. I tried to call you on the cell phone for the last hour and you did not answer. Well, young lady?” My dad stood in the kitchen with his feet firmly planted shoulder with apart; with his hands on his hips, and glared at me as if I had committed a cardinal sin. He only acted like this when I was seriously in trouble.“Hi Honey. Did you have a good time tonight?” Mom said as she walked in the kitchen and stood next to my dad. She must have heard him because before I could answer she asked for her cell phone back.“Here you go mom.” I said sheepishly as I unclipped the cell phone from my belt and handed it to her. She flipped her phone open, checking it, holding it up for my dad to see than whispered something in his ear as she mouth to him the words ‘sorry’.
“I’m sorry Kyra. Your mom just informed me that she forgot to turn the ringer and vibrate on, before she gave it to you. Next time you use her cell phone-- please check that it is on.” I stood there in disbelief, how lucky I was at that moment. If the ringer or vibrate had been turned on I would have been grounded to my room for at least a week.“Kyra, I was just worried something happened to you. I love you.” I hadn’t run up to my dad in years and hugged him, tonight was an exception. “I love you too dad.” I said as I squeezed him as tightly as I could. He had been so busy much of my life I had almost forgotten how worried he got when I wasn’t safe at home.
When I was in sixth grade, I went to my first sleep over at a friend’s house for her birthday. She lived a long way out in the country, on a farm. While I was getting my stuff ready to go to her sleepover, there was a breaking news report on the television about a recent bear attack in the area. My dad had been so worried that a bear might break into her house and maul me that he forbade me to go to the sleep over. It wasn’t until my mom’s reassurance that I would be safe-- that the news report said, “the attack was from a bear attacking campers in their tents- who did not secure their food properly- not their homes; did my dad finally lift my restriction on going to the party. As my mom and I walked out the door to drive there, he hugged me as if he was never going to see me again. I laughed when the next day my mom told me my dad had dreamed that he was fighting off bears all night, which made it impossible for her to get any sleep out of concern that he might mistake her for a bear.
I dragged myself up the stairs to my room-- dead tired-- I guess all this flying around as a passenger is starting to wear me out. I still had the riddles to solve—tonight I did get some answers only to find more questions. “Goodnight Kyra,” my mom said softly as she pulled my quilt over me, kissing my forehead gently goodnight. “G--night mom.” I mumbled as I drifted off to sleep.
It was still dark when I woke up; my heart pounding in my chest as I jumped to my feet—ready to protect myself from the threat I felt. I glanced defensively around my room, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. That was until I saw a blurred reddish brown –what looked to be a weird handprint on my glass outside my window. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that the print was indeed of a hand—a hand just like Aarons in dragon form. “Aaron!” My mind screamed out his name. It was all I remembered as I woke to the sun shinning through my still scarred window, waking me up for a new day.
Chapter 5
The Note
“Nothing’ but a little late fall house cleaning,” I told my mom as she stood in my doorway watching me clean my window. The windows of our house tilt in for cleaning otherwise I would be frantic about how I was going to hide the bloody print sticky solidly to the middle of the glass. I could only wonder if Aaron was playing some sort of prank, was he injured somehow, or if one of the other dragons did this.
“Kyra, I know I usually harp to you to clean your room. It’s forty degrees outside this morning and I do not think now is a good time to clean outside windows.”
I knew she was right. It was getting chilly in my room from having my window tilted open but I was sure she would be freaked out if I had left it the way it was.
I got dressed quickly, and ran downstairs to the kitchen. My mom was in her usual spot at the table – cup of coffee in hand—no dad in sight.
“Where’s dad?” I asked her as I finished pouring a bowl of cereal for myself.
She looked up from the book she had been reading, “Did you forget he had to go to work this morning as usual?”
Now I did it! I made her mom radar go off by asking her something I should have known.
Nervously I Sloshed the milk, I was trying to pour, over the count top “Oops! I’ll clean it up.” I said as I quickly grabbed a towel.
“What is wrong with you today Kyra. First you’re up this morning cleaning your window than forgetting your dad has to work today- it’s not like you- what’s wrong?”
I wanted to tell her about everything. Aaron and his friends being dragons, flying and about the bloody claw print—I was afraid. I was afraid if I did tell her and she believed me she would ground me forever or if she didn’t believe me I would feel betrayed- betrayed that she didn’t trust me enough not lie to her about something this serious. So-- I did the best thing I could do at the time.
Shrugging my shoulders as I spooned mouthfuls of globules into my mouth I mumbled, “I don’t know.” A safe response that most children learn as soon as they can talk to defend themselves from things they do not want to answer.
I felt guilty as I watched my mom silently get up to pour herself some more coffee. My mom like some adults never forgot what it was like being an adolescent; she knew exactly what I was doing. As I glance over to her empty seat I saw the book she had been reading, ‘Norse Mythology’, it was identical to the one I saw Aaron reading in school.
“Mom! Where did you get that book?”
Startled by the urgency in my voice she turned quickly, knocking her cup off the counter and onto the floor.
“Calm down,” she said as she stooped to clean up the mess. “I found it in your backpack. I’m sorry if I upset you—I didn’t think you would mind.”
“Oh, no mom, I don’t mind—I just forgot I had that book, that’s all.” I said as I shoved the book roughly into my backpack.
I glanced cautiously at her to see if she believed me—she did. My stomach felt like it was churning as I realized—she believed me and this time I had lied to her.
What was I doing? I never lied to my mom before—we had an honesty policy. Our ‘honesty policy’ was an agreement my mom and I created together when I was a little girl. It said that we were never to lie to one another unless it was extreme circumstances like the year dad planned a surprise party for my mom and I wasn’t supposed to tell her—because if I did, it would have wrecked the surprise. Otherwise, we were to be honest with each other.
I didn’t really lie though-- I just used the word forgot rather than didn’t know-- Maybe I really did forget with all the things happening. Just maybe, Aaron gave me the book and I unconsciously put it in my backpack. Great! Now, I was lying to myself.
“Oh this fell out of your book,” she said handing me a tattered folded piece of paper. “In case you’re wondering,” she continued, “I didn’t open it. I respect your privacy.”
This morning was turning out to be one of those days when you wished you stayed safe in bed. Filled with guilt for the partial lie and now her declaration of how she respects my privacy I did the only thing I could do.
I smiled an uttered a “Thanks mom,” stuffing the note in my back pocket as I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before I grabbed my coat and out the door, walking quickly to the bus stop.
Once at school, I scanned the hallways in between class, hoping to catch a glimpse of Aaron, Andrea or some recognition of any of the other dragons I saw in human form my first night at Barkers Island.
Class after class went by without seeing any of them—I was hopeful, that at lunch Andrea would be there, for my mind was consumed by theories about the bloody hand/claw print.
“That maybe it wasn’t blood at all but red clay. Aaron could have gotten it on his hands/claws before he put the book in my backpack when I was sleeping” or “it was just a prank one of the other dragons was pulling to scare me.”
Though my theories were plausible—I could find loopholes in all of them—except two--, one that Aaron was hurt and the other that it was a prank. If only I could find Aaron or Andrea, they might know.
Lunchtime came and I decided to buy my lunch. The line wasn’t very long—grabbing an apple, a salad, and a bottle of water—I proceeded to the cashier.
She looked bored as she said, “$2.20” while she held out her hand for the money.
I reached in my back pocket pulling out the cash I had stashed there when I noticed the note that had fallen out of the ‘Norse Mythology’ book this morning. Hanging on to my two one-dollar bills and fishing in my front pocket for the twenty cents- finding two dimes. I dropped the money into her hand, snatched up my tray, scanned for a seat where Andrea (if she was at school) could find me, and a little privacy to look at the tattered folded paper. I found the perfect table. It was close to the cafeteria doors—so that Andrea wouldn’t miss me—as well as the space was busy enough for now one to care about what I was doing.
I opened the paper carefully; afraid if I hurried I would tear it, and spread the note out in front of me.
...
...
I know I have seen symbols like this somewhere, but where; maybe in history class when we were studying ancient Egypt.
“Hey, I heard their serving ‘wing dings’ today!” A student said loudly to his pal as they walked to the lunch line, disrupting my thoughts.
All through lunch, I studied the note trying to decipher any of it, while automatically taking bite after bite out of my apple. The salad was forgotten.Br-i- ng….the bell rang out; time to move on to my next class. Disappointed, I jammed the note in my backpack, stuffed the leftover lunch in the trash, hopeful that Aaron would be in Biology to ease my fears and explain what was going on.
In the hallway my head started throbbing, at first a dull pain just behind my ear, it steadily increase as I made my way to class. “Stress headache,” I muttered, trying to comfort myself as the pain in my head amplified.
“Kyra.. Kyra…” I heard someone behind me whisper, I turned around towards the sound to see who said it, but all I saw were a sea of faces bobbing to their next class. I must be imagining it, I thought. Until I heard my name, being whispered again only this, time more urgent. “What!” I replied, frustrated as I abruptly spun around and smacked into Mr. Wilson my biology teacher, almost knocking him off his feet. He was so shocked he could only sputter and shake his head as I offered him a quick apology and scooted off to my next class hoping the time would go by quickly. As I sat in class waiting for it to be over; the thrum in my head worsened, I started to shiver from the pain. “Just a little bit longer,” I coaxed myself trying to hold out until biology. Than I would ask Mr. Wilson for a pass to go to the nurses office, but only after I talk to Aaron.
“KYRA!” I heard someone scream, as I started trembling uncontrollably as an intense pain tore through my head. Blinding me as my body plummeted off my chair down to the cold tiled floor. I never heard the bell ring for biology.
“Kyr.. ra..,” a ghostly voice whispered in the night; the moon lighting up everything around me in an ethereal blush; I saw waves undulating far below me, embracing the rocks that jutted maliciously out of the water, reaching for me, calling my name. I teetered on the edge of the precipice imploring my body not to reply. I could only watch, feeling the alarm rise up in me as my arms reached out to them. “Ky…ra” they called, “come to us..” I wobbled, resisting, as my feet stirred moving closer to the edge. Amongst the waves, sitting on the largest rock I could see a gloomy figure, battered and bloody looking up at me with big sad eyes. “Kyr.. Ra” it called up at me, “RUN!” The dark silhouette’s command shocked me out of my stupor. Regaining control over my body and mind, I spun around and ran howling “Noooo…!” as I realize the broken figure on the rocks, had been Aaron in his dragon form. I found myself running through the wood, branches slashing, grabbing at me trying to stop my plight. When I could run no more, I tumbled to the ground and sobbed. I wept for Aaron, wondering if he was still alive or if the crashing tide washed him away. I cried for myself, lost, afraid, and confused. Wondering how I got to the cliff when my last memory was of me sitting safe in my class at school, waiting for the bell to ring, for my next class was biology. The only class I had Aaron in; who might hold the answers that I needed.
A shadow flickered across the ground. Looking up I saw a large dark shape looming just above the trees, directly over my head. I crouched lower, burying my head in my arms, trying to shield myself from its view. “Kyr.. ra,” it sang to me, it words vibrating through my mind, “don’t be afraid.” I heard the rustling of branches as it made its decent. I looked up, startled to see Andrea, my friend, looming over me. She was more beautiful than I remember, as the moonlight shimmered in waves off her dark lavender scales. I tried to find the words to tell her about Aaron, to ask her what was happening, as she gently picked me up and placed me on her back. “Hang on,” she called, her voice soft as a lullaby “I’m here to bring you home.”
Need your help- Writing first draft of novel need some feedback here is part of a chapter-?
Ok...
What you have in your present manuscript is basically a plot outline. It reads ok as play by play but it needs to be more descriptive and draw the reader in. I will try to give you an example, but it will not necessarily fit the character or relationships you are creating. One more point, try to use 3rd person in your narration. It is a bit of a fine sticking point, but 1st person is considered a bit to egocentric for most writing.
Example:
From across the ripening fields or wheat, etched in frames of thatched village hearth smoke, the dragon and child played. Sinister scales of crimson and royal purple reflected the late October sun's last rays as if surrounding them in breathed flame, and yet no malice shown in a dance of equals of friends even from so far away their laughter could not be heard.
Reply:"Shapsjo" reminded me of something that I sometimes forget to do in my writing myself.
"Lost in the Crowd", your writing is great! Keep up the good work! Report It
Reply:www.lulu.com
self publishing website, internet publishing is free and if you order paperback copies of books, they just charge for printing and choice of paper. Report It
Reply:I don't think it's a good idea to put your own work like this online, as people might steal it and claim it as their own. In other words, did somebody say "potential plagiarism"? Good luck with your novel!! Report It
Reply:This is a good book i didnt read the whole thing but its good
Reply:wow that was great i wish i could read more keep up the good work. you have great poetical.do you have any publish novels if not you will you are really good.i read the whole thing could not stop .
Reply:Sorry, but you did not grab and keep my attention in the first couple of paragraphs. If some one is checking a book out either to borrow from a library,or to buy from a bookshop, the first two paragraphs is usually all they read before deciding.
Stay on the subject, don`t dart about, it could be good, sort and tidy it a bit.
Reply:I strongly recommend that you not post chapters of your book (even draft chapters) to any site, including this one. You risk someone taking the copy (or the underlying ideas) and using it as their own. Try joining a writing organization or finding a writing buddy. Also, keep the mystery. Share your writing with a friend or two, but withhold the details from the rest. Too much hype and distribution will kill the book when it's eventually published (and it will be published if you do what 98% of writers don't do--actually finish the book). Good luck!
A Chance of a Lifetime
“Aaron, where is everybody?” I asked as I saw Aaron sitting alone in front of the whaleback ship.“You know how it is Kyra—they had their own things to do. Last night they came because they were curious who I was, um interested in. That’s all.” Alone at last! Alone—with a dragon! Mister caramel lightly dipped in dark chocolate eyes! The eyes that I felt I could meld into…“Kyra. Kyra!”“ Huh?” “ Am I so boring that you have to day dream when you’re with me?” he smirked, gently caressing my cheek.“No! No! I was just thinking.” Whew, if he only knew the affect his eyes had on me. “So Aaron, what are we going to do tonight? Jump in the lake, cascade over mountains, or talk.” I was so busy staring into his eyes that I he had already changed into his dragon form and was flipping me onto his back.“ Aiii…” I screamed, surprised.“Let’s talk” I heard him say in my head as we flew low over the water.“Boat! Boat!” was all I could scream as a boat quickly appeared in our path. I closed my eyes not wanting to see the impact. Instead, I felt the slight shift in Aaron’s body as he coasted out of its path.“You can open your eyes now.” he gurgled and snorted. Was he laughing!“Ya go ahead and laugh at me” I fumed, “You wouldn’t think it so funny if we would have crashed.” His gurgling and snorting continued, he was laughing so hard his body was shaking, tickling me as I hung on.“Stop.. hahaha… that!”
We landed at top of the Aerial Lift Bridge.
The glow of the Duluth/Superior lights were all around us as I gawked at the pristine beauty of the lights, lake and the night. I could see small white shapes floating, reflecting the city lights on the lake.
“Those are seagulls.”“Seagulls? I thought they would find some warm, dry place to sleep on land.” “ Seagulls are opportunists. They sleep in their nests when the have young otherwise they sleep anywhere they are away from their predators, and I don’t think Lake Superior has many predators that can eat a live healthy seagull.”“ Do you eat seagulls?”“ Na, some of the others do but for me they’re too feathery. Yuck! Last time I tried one it took me weeks to get the feathers out of my teeth!” I hope he brushes his teeth! Yuck! Carefully, he set me down on the beam he had been standing on—changing back. The winds off the lake scared me, as they blew I had to struggle to maintain my footing.“Aaron!” I cried as my feet slipped out from under me. I was falling!“Gotcha!” he said in my ear. We were both sitting down, me in his lap, and his strong-arms tightly around me. We sat there in silence—watching. Watching—together—in his arms—clouds float by, the ships cast in darkness on the lake- rolling with a glimmer of light. “Kyra, what did you want to ask me?” His breath tickled my ear.“Huh? Oh!” I said as his voice seeped through the fog of my mind. “I wanted to know why are there dragons here and why this area? In all the books I read, dragons exist everywhere but here!” “ Dragons like humans are everywhere. It’s just we choose to live hidden—if most humans knew we really did exist, they would try to put us in zoo’s and dissect us; trying to find out whether we were more like lizards or snakes. Through history we have learned that humans kill what they are afraid of, even themselves…”
I kissed him. On the cheek- I couldn’t help myself- he seemed so, sad.
“We would rather live in our dragon form, but with humans, living almost everywhere on the earth—if we wanted to survive—we didn’t have a choice.”I started to think about what might happened if someone, anyone who was not willing to keep their secret proved Aaron and his kind existed and who they were as humans.“Aaron, can you choose what you look like as a human?”“No, we can only choose the age.”“Your age! How old are you, as a dragon?” I never thought about how long the legends said dragons could live. I guess I just assumed he was my age even in dragon. “Hmm.. about 225 years old. Give or take a couple years.”“ 225! Than why are you hanging out with me? I’m a little young aren’t I?”Aaron explained to me how dragon age and human age is not the same; just like a dog’s age is not really the same as a human. That in approximation of dragon age he was about the same age as me and had as much to learn about the world as I did. “Feel better?” he laughed, hugging me tighter.“Yes much better, I was starting to think all I was to you was a plaything.”“Never! Are you hungry?”“ A little. Why are you?”“ Famished!”
Did he say famished? Oh no! I never asked him if he ate humans!
“Umm—you don’t eat people do you?” “Only those that annoy me.” He laughed, teasingly. Whew, that was a relief. Feeling playful—I leaned close to his ear and whispered, “I don’t annoy you do I.”
Aaron grabbed me and threw me up into the air of the brisk moonlit night. My scream lost in my throat. He won’t let me fall to my death- right? I was only teasing. I felt the wind blow against my body—suffocating me as I tried to scream-I was going to pass out! I watched as the ground rose to meet me. “Aaron WHAT did I do?” I tried to scream when all of a sudden I was jerked hard upright, thrown into the air once again and landed safely on Aarons back. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. Let’s go eat!” Eat—eat—does he think I feel like eating after almost crashing to my death because of him?“I’m NOT hungry. Humph…” I said, kicking him in the side.“I said I was sorry—what more do you want?” Does he think I am going to talk to him, after what he did?“Kyra, I was just playing. Please, please believe me when I tell you I would have never let anything happen to you!”“ PLAYING, PLAYING! YOU call that playing?”“ I guess to someone who can’t fly, I can understand how they wouldn’t think that as playing.”“ You got that right!”
We landed in a secluded area on the rocky shores of Canal Park.“Where to?”“Follow my lead.” Aaron said once he changed in human form, holding my hand in his and led the way. We only had to walk a little ways before arriving at a restaurant.
“Have you ever eaten here Kyra?”
“Ya, the food’s yummy.”
“Yummy?”
“Yes, yummy.”
He looked confused. Hasn’t he ever heard the word yummy before? He ordered a big steak with all the works, and I politely said, “The same!” as the server took our order. He looked surprised but not as surprised as I was for how bold I was being. Why not? Didn’t he throw me off the top of the Arial Lift Bridge? A girl can really work up an appetite once the shock wears off a near death experience.
“I guess you’re afraid that this might be your last meal?” Aaron said as he laughed from across the table.“Aaron, what do people think when at school you’re in a wheelchair and out of school your not?”“I just make sure to avoid them. Usually after school I am at places they aren’t—unless of course they can change into birds.” “ Why the wheel chair? You don’t need it?”Aaron explained to me how he chose to be in a wheelchair at school; that he couldn’t walk—even if he tried. “Why? How can you walk one minute and than not the next? I don’t understand.”
“We all do—sometime during our lives.”
He looked so uncomfortable—as if he was telling me a deep dark secret.
“So—how about those Twins,” I chirped.
“Twins, aren’t they baseball? We’re in football season now.”
I smacked my head with the palm of my hand. How could I forget it was football season? I lived on the Wisconsin-Minnesota border—all the rivalry going on between Packer and Viking fans was almost as interesting as the sport itself. Our talking ebbed as our food arrived— shoveling bite after bite as if we were starving in our hungry mouths.
“We have to hurry or you’re going to be late!” Aaron said after he paid for our food and left a sizable tip for the server.We rushed out the door, running down the street towards the white and black lighthouse on Canal Park. “Why—are—we going there?” I asked Aaron when we were half way there.“People on the rocks,” was all he said as he grabbed my hand and hurried me along. With a flick of his wrist, I was cast into the air, landing on his back with a thud. I hadn’t even realized Aaron had changed into a dragon all ready. “How do you do that!” I called to him as the wind whipped my voice away, making it a whisper.“How do I do what?”“Change into a dragon so quickly? Isn’t it difficult?”“ It is more difficult for me to change into human form than it is my original form-think about it?”
I suppose it would be just as difficult for a human to change into a dragon—the scales instead of hair, big pointy teeth, and razor sharp claws instead of finger nails. I could name a few people who probably wouldn’t have any difficulties with the claws, since they always seem to have them bared and ready to use. “Ha ha ha,” I was laughing so hard tears streamed down my cheeks—Aaron had to shift to balance me—I almost fell off Aaron’s back.“What’s so funny that you could have fallen to your doom?”“Claws!” I cried and laughed even harder.“Claws? What is so funny about claws?” As we landed in the alley behind my house, I tried to explain to him how some people seemed too always have their claws out. He did not understand until I used a few examples using some kids from school. “Oh, I get it!”I wasn’t sure he did, but I think he understood a little better before I told him goodbye and gave him a quick peck on the cheek – running into the house so I would not be late.
“Kyra! I was worried about you. I tried to call you on the cell phone for the last hour and you did not answer. Well, young lady?” My dad stood in the kitchen with his feet firmly planted shoulder with apart; with his hands on his hips, and glared at me as if I had committed a cardinal sin. He only acted like this when I was seriously in trouble.“Hi Honey. Did you have a good time tonight?” Mom said as she walked in the kitchen and stood next to my dad. She must have heard him because before I could answer she asked for her cell phone back.“Here you go mom.” I said sheepishly as I unclipped the cell phone from my belt and handed it to her. She flipped her phone open, checking it, holding it up for my dad to see than whispered something in his ear as she mouth to him the words ‘sorry’.
“I’m sorry Kyra. Your mom just informed me that she forgot to turn the ringer and vibrate on, before she gave it to you. Next time you use her cell phone-- please check that it is on.” I stood there in disbelief, how lucky I was at that moment. If the ringer or vibrate had been turned on I would have been grounded to my room for at least a week.“Kyra, I was just worried something happened to you. I love you.” I hadn’t run up to my dad in years and hugged him, tonight was an exception. “I love you too dad.” I said as I squeezed him as tightly as I could. He had been so busy much of my life I had almost forgotten how worried he got when I wasn’t safe at home.
When I was in sixth grade, I went to my first sleep over at a friend’s house for her birthday. She lived a long way out in the country, on a farm. While I was getting my stuff ready to go to her sleepover, there was a breaking news report on the television about a recent bear attack in the area. My dad had been so worried that a bear might break into her house and maul me that he forbade me to go to the sleep over. It wasn’t until my mom’s reassurance that I would be safe-- that the news report said, “the attack was from a bear attacking campers in their tents- who did not secure their food properly- not their homes; did my dad finally lift my restriction on going to the party. As my mom and I walked out the door to drive there, he hugged me as if he was never going to see me again. I laughed when the next day my mom told me my dad had dreamed that he was fighting off bears all night, which made it impossible for her to get any sleep out of concern that he might mistake her for a bear.
I dragged myself up the stairs to my room-- dead tired-- I guess all this flying around as a passenger is starting to wear me out. I still had the riddles to solve—tonight I did get some answers only to find more questions. “Goodnight Kyra,” my mom said softly as she pulled my quilt over me, kissing my forehead gently goodnight. “G--night mom.” I mumbled as I drifted off to sleep.
It was still dark when I woke up; my heart pounding in my chest as I jumped to my feet—ready to protect myself from the threat I felt. I glanced defensively around my room, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. That was until I saw a blurred reddish brown –what looked to be a weird handprint on my glass outside my window. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that the print was indeed of a hand—a hand just like Aarons in dragon form. “Aaron!” My mind screamed out his name. It was all I remembered as I woke to the sun shinning through my still scarred window, waking me up for a new day.
Chapter 5
The Note
“Nothing’ but a little late fall house cleaning,” I told my mom as she stood in my doorway watching me clean my window. The windows of our house tilt in for cleaning otherwise I would be frantic about how I was going to hide the bloody print sticky solidly to the middle of the glass. I could only wonder if Aaron was playing some sort of prank, was he injured somehow, or if one of the other dragons did this.
“Kyra, I know I usually harp to you to clean your room. It’s forty degrees outside this morning and I do not think now is a good time to clean outside windows.”
I knew she was right. It was getting chilly in my room from having my window tilted open but I was sure she would be freaked out if I had left it the way it was.
I got dressed quickly, and ran downstairs to the kitchen. My mom was in her usual spot at the table – cup of coffee in hand—no dad in sight.
“Where’s dad?” I asked her as I finished pouring a bowl of cereal for myself.
She looked up from the book she had been reading, “Did you forget he had to go to work this morning as usual?”
Now I did it! I made her mom radar go off by asking her something I should have known.
Nervously I Sloshed the milk, I was trying to pour, over the count top “Oops! I’ll clean it up.” I said as I quickly grabbed a towel.
“What is wrong with you today Kyra. First you’re up this morning cleaning your window than forgetting your dad has to work today- it’s not like you- what’s wrong?”
I wanted to tell her about everything. Aaron and his friends being dragons, flying and about the bloody claw print—I was afraid. I was afraid if I did tell her and she believed me she would ground me forever or if she didn’t believe me I would feel betrayed- betrayed that she didn’t trust me enough not lie to her about something this serious. So-- I did the best thing I could do at the time.
Shrugging my shoulders as I spooned mouthfuls of globules into my mouth I mumbled, “I don’t know.” A safe response that most children learn as soon as they can talk to defend themselves from things they do not want to answer.
I felt guilty as I watched my mom silently get up to pour herself some more coffee. My mom like some adults never forgot what it was like being an adolescent; she knew exactly what I was doing. As I glance over to her empty seat I saw the book she had been reading, ‘Norse Mythology’, it was identical to the one I saw Aaron reading in school.
“Mom! Where did you get that book?”
Startled by the urgency in my voice she turned quickly, knocking her cup off the counter and onto the floor.
“Calm down,” she said as she stooped to clean up the mess. “I found it in your backpack. I’m sorry if I upset you—I didn’t think you would mind.”
“Oh, no mom, I don’t mind—I just forgot I had that book, that’s all.” I said as I shoved the book roughly into my backpack.
I glanced cautiously at her to see if she believed me—she did. My stomach felt like it was churning as I realized—she believed me and this time I had lied to her.
What was I doing? I never lied to my mom before—we had an honesty policy. Our ‘honesty policy’ was an agreement my mom and I created together when I was a little girl. It said that we were never to lie to one another unless it was extreme circumstances like the year dad planned a surprise party for my mom and I wasn’t supposed to tell her—because if I did, it would have wrecked the surprise. Otherwise, we were to be honest with each other.
I didn’t really lie though-- I just used the word forgot rather than didn’t know-- Maybe I really did forget with all the things happening. Just maybe, Aaron gave me the book and I unconsciously put it in my backpack. Great! Now, I was lying to myself.
“Oh this fell out of your book,” she said handing me a tattered folded piece of paper. “In case you’re wondering,” she continued, “I didn’t open it. I respect your privacy.”
This morning was turning out to be one of those days when you wished you stayed safe in bed. Filled with guilt for the partial lie and now her declaration of how she respects my privacy I did the only thing I could do.
I smiled an uttered a “Thanks mom,” stuffing the note in my back pocket as I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before I grabbed my coat and out the door, walking quickly to the bus stop.
Once at school, I scanned the hallways in between class, hoping to catch a glimpse of Aaron, Andrea or some recognition of any of the other dragons I saw in human form my first night at Barkers Island.
Class after class went by without seeing any of them—I was hopeful, that at lunch Andrea would be there, for my mind was consumed by theories about the bloody hand/claw print.
“That maybe it wasn’t blood at all but red clay. Aaron could have gotten it on his hands/claws before he put the book in my backpack when I was sleeping” or “it was just a prank one of the other dragons was pulling to scare me.”
Though my theories were plausible—I could find loopholes in all of them—except two--, one that Aaron was hurt and the other that it was a prank. If only I could find Aaron or Andrea, they might know.
Lunchtime came and I decided to buy my lunch. The line wasn’t very long—grabbing an apple, a salad, and a bottle of water—I proceeded to the cashier.
She looked bored as she said, “$2.20” while she held out her hand for the money.
I reached in my back pocket pulling out the cash I had stashed there when I noticed the note that had fallen out of the ‘Norse Mythology’ book this morning. Hanging on to my two one-dollar bills and fishing in my front pocket for the twenty cents- finding two dimes. I dropped the money into her hand, snatched up my tray, scanned for a seat where Andrea (if she was at school) could find me, and a little privacy to look at the tattered folded paper. I found the perfect table. It was close to the cafeteria doors—so that Andrea wouldn’t miss me—as well as the space was busy enough for now one to care about what I was doing.
I opened the paper carefully; afraid if I hurried I would tear it, and spread the note out in front of me.
...
...
I know I have seen symbols like this somewhere, but where; maybe in history class when we were studying ancient Egypt.
“Hey, I heard their serving ‘wing dings’ today!” A student said loudly to his pal as they walked to the lunch line, disrupting my thoughts.
All through lunch, I studied the note trying to decipher any of it, while automatically taking bite after bite out of my apple. The salad was forgotten.Br-i- ng….the bell rang out; time to move on to my next class. Disappointed, I jammed the note in my backpack, stuffed the leftover lunch in the trash, hopeful that Aaron would be in Biology to ease my fears and explain what was going on.
In the hallway my head started throbbing, at first a dull pain just behind my ear, it steadily increase as I made my way to class. “Stress headache,” I muttered, trying to comfort myself as the pain in my head amplified.
“Kyra.. Kyra…” I heard someone behind me whisper, I turned around towards the sound to see who said it, but all I saw were a sea of faces bobbing to their next class. I must be imagining it, I thought. Until I heard my name, being whispered again only this, time more urgent. “What!” I replied, frustrated as I abruptly spun around and smacked into Mr. Wilson my biology teacher, almost knocking him off his feet. He was so shocked he could only sputter and shake his head as I offered him a quick apology and scooted off to my next class hoping the time would go by quickly. As I sat in class waiting for it to be over; the thrum in my head worsened, I started to shiver from the pain. “Just a little bit longer,” I coaxed myself trying to hold out until biology. Than I would ask Mr. Wilson for a pass to go to the nurses office, but only after I talk to Aaron.
“KYRA!” I heard someone scream, as I started trembling uncontrollably as an intense pain tore through my head. Blinding me as my body plummeted off my chair down to the cold tiled floor. I never heard the bell ring for biology.
“Kyr.. ra..,” a ghostly voice whispered in the night; the moon lighting up everything around me in an ethereal blush; I saw waves undulating far below me, embracing the rocks that jutted maliciously out of the water, reaching for me, calling my name. I teetered on the edge of the precipice imploring my body not to reply. I could only watch, feeling the alarm rise up in me as my arms reached out to them. “Ky…ra” they called, “come to us..” I wobbled, resisting, as my feet stirred moving closer to the edge. Amongst the waves, sitting on the largest rock I could see a gloomy figure, battered and bloody looking up at me with big sad eyes. “Kyr.. Ra” it called up at me, “RUN!” The dark silhouette’s command shocked me out of my stupor. Regaining control over my body and mind, I spun around and ran howling “Noooo…!” as I realize the broken figure on the rocks, had been Aaron in his dragon form. I found myself running through the wood, branches slashing, grabbing at me trying to stop my plight. When I could run no more, I tumbled to the ground and sobbed. I wept for Aaron, wondering if he was still alive or if the crashing tide washed him away. I cried for myself, lost, afraid, and confused. Wondering how I got to the cliff when my last memory was of me sitting safe in my class at school, waiting for the bell to ring, for my next class was biology. The only class I had Aaron in; who might hold the answers that I needed.
A shadow flickered across the ground. Looking up I saw a large dark shape looming just above the trees, directly over my head. I crouched lower, burying my head in my arms, trying to shield myself from its view. “Kyr.. ra,” it sang to me, it words vibrating through my mind, “don’t be afraid.” I heard the rustling of branches as it made its decent. I looked up, startled to see Andrea, my friend, looming over me. She was more beautiful than I remember, as the moonlight shimmered in waves off her dark lavender scales. I tried to find the words to tell her about Aaron, to ask her what was happening, as she gently picked me up and placed me on her back. “Hang on,” she called, her voice soft as a lullaby “I’m here to bring you home.”
Need your help- Writing first draft of novel need some feedback here is part of a chapter-?
Ok...
What you have in your present manuscript is basically a plot outline. It reads ok as play by play but it needs to be more descriptive and draw the reader in. I will try to give you an example, but it will not necessarily fit the character or relationships you are creating. One more point, try to use 3rd person in your narration. It is a bit of a fine sticking point, but 1st person is considered a bit to egocentric for most writing.
Example:
From across the ripening fields or wheat, etched in frames of thatched village hearth smoke, the dragon and child played. Sinister scales of crimson and royal purple reflected the late October sun's last rays as if surrounding them in breathed flame, and yet no malice shown in a dance of equals of friends even from so far away their laughter could not be heard.
Reply:"Shapsjo" reminded me of something that I sometimes forget to do in my writing myself.
"Lost in the Crowd", your writing is great! Keep up the good work! Report It
Reply:www.lulu.com
self publishing website, internet publishing is free and if you order paperback copies of books, they just charge for printing and choice of paper. Report It
Reply:I don't think it's a good idea to put your own work like this online, as people might steal it and claim it as their own. In other words, did somebody say "potential plagiarism"? Good luck with your novel!! Report It
Reply:This is a good book i didnt read the whole thing but its good
Reply:wow that was great i wish i could read more keep up the good work. you have great poetical.do you have any publish novels if not you will you are really good.i read the whole thing could not stop .
Reply:Sorry, but you did not grab and keep my attention in the first couple of paragraphs. If some one is checking a book out either to borrow from a library,or to buy from a bookshop, the first two paragraphs is usually all they read before deciding.
Stay on the subject, don`t dart about, it could be good, sort and tidy it a bit.
Reply:I strongly recommend that you not post chapters of your book (even draft chapters) to any site, including this one. You risk someone taking the copy (or the underlying ideas) and using it as their own. Try joining a writing organization or finding a writing buddy. Also, keep the mystery. Share your writing with a friend or two, but withhold the details from the rest. Too much hype and distribution will kill the book when it's eventually published (and it will be published if you do what 98% of writers don't do--actually finish the book). Good luck!
Name a wine by label?
A few years back I was buying this bottle from a store near where I lived. I live far from there now, but it was a white white with some vaguely tropical notes- vanilla, papaya, maybe some plumeria. Anyway, it was a clear bottle but I'm thinking the label was blue or had some blue in it, and a parrot or some palm trees. Any ideas?
Name a wine by label?
Where do you live not all wines or alcohol for that matter get distriputed around the world.
Name a wine by label?
Where do you live not all wines or alcohol for that matter get distriputed around the world.
Small Painful Bumps, Cold Saurs, and a Burn all at once?
I got 4 cold sores in my mouth it started out as 3 and then I got another one the next day... The day I had the original 3, not to many but some small red bumps appeared on my palms and on my feet and depending on there size hurt when touched. So now I have small red bumps, 4 cold sores, I also forgot to mention a strange red burn-like mark appeard the night before it all started it just appeard out of no-where... What should I do? I've spent hours in the bathroom usuing Listerine and warm salt water... It just burns it. I can barely eat and at times it hurts to drink water. Usually at night they aren't as bad as when I wake up which is the worst... They are making me talk with a slur... My mom just bought something called Orasol which is supposed to help. I already used a whole bottle of Ivyprofen... Will someone please help me at all? My mom thinks that it is possibly a spid
Small Painful Bumps, Cold Saurs, and a Burn all at once?
Go and get checked out by a doctor.
Reply:Mom should have gotten you a doctor's appointment! How ridiculous! I know it's expensive but nothing should be more important that your health. Geeze!
GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! If your mother won't take you to a Doctor go to the school nurse and discuss the situation there.
Nothing is more important! You deserve health care. Not over the counter remedies for uneducated guesses.
Reply:It's coxsackie which is a virus, also known as hand, foot and mouth disease. My daughter had it when she was 2 1/2. It's pretty common. Don't worry, it will go away in a couple of days although if your symptoms are very bad you should see your doctor.
Incidentally, it is spread through direct contact with mucous or feces.
Reply:Herpes is the name of that game.
Reply:I'm no doctor but......GET YOURSELF TO ONE PRONTO
Reply:FYI: You do not have to be sexually active to get herpes; it can be transmitted through drinking after someone who has had a recent outbreak. Not saying it is, just letting you know. Get some Abreva and try it for a couple of days.
Reply:Kind of sounds like hand, foot and mouth disease...running a fever? Cheeks red? Go see a doctor.
Small Painful Bumps, Cold Saurs, and a Burn all at once?
Go and get checked out by a doctor.
Reply:Mom should have gotten you a doctor's appointment! How ridiculous! I know it's expensive but nothing should be more important that your health. Geeze!
GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! If your mother won't take you to a Doctor go to the school nurse and discuss the situation there.
Nothing is more important! You deserve health care. Not over the counter remedies for uneducated guesses.
Reply:It's coxsackie which is a virus, also known as hand, foot and mouth disease. My daughter had it when she was 2 1/2. It's pretty common. Don't worry, it will go away in a couple of days although if your symptoms are very bad you should see your doctor.
Incidentally, it is spread through direct contact with mucous or feces.
Reply:Herpes is the name of that game.
Reply:I'm no doctor but......GET YOURSELF TO ONE PRONTO
Reply:FYI: You do not have to be sexually active to get herpes; it can be transmitted through drinking after someone who has had a recent outbreak. Not saying it is, just letting you know. Get some Abreva and try it for a couple of days.
Reply:Kind of sounds like hand, foot and mouth disease...running a fever? Cheeks red? Go see a doctor.
What do you think of my story?
I’m on the roof of a thirty story building,surrounded by empty bottles of beer and a whole bunch of people watching me anxiously.I got up and walked towards the edge of the roof;the wind blew through my hair and whirstled in my ears.Never once had i ever felt so void of worries and so peaceful at heart.
Tears fill my eyes and blurred my vision.I start feeling all warm inside and for the first time in 10 years, i smiled.I’m balancing on the side of the building,concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other and moving forward.On my left,there’s the view of the city from 50feet up.Everything below seem so small yet beautiful the lights look like fireflies of different colours.....to my right,i see the source of my hatred ,people of different colours, different races and religions but they all add up to one thing .....hypocrisy.
“cough....,cough!” I remove my hand from my mouth as i felt a wet and sticky substance on my palm.It was of such rich colour of red,my favourite colour.I giggled and my throat hurt.I guess i’m ready to go,i can’t wait anymore.My illness is already promting me.I take one last look at the crowd.My eyes scan through it and every thing started moving in slow motion.I spread my arms out wide,like an eagle soaring.My blood dripped from my hand onto the floor”drip..drip..drip..”
Gravity slowly dragged my body towards the earth and i began tilting ,falling over ....then,someone emerged from the door leading to the roof with a bang and ran towards me with hands outstretched.I was getting further from that famillar face i was waiting to see but i could still see him there,bending over the edge with tears in his eyes,shouting something hardly audible,people restraining him .......
Now,my final wish is fufilled, i can go in peace. I close my eyes.My tears falling along side me,the conners at the sides of my mouth continue remainding in an upward position; Icontinue smiling.As i recall the few happy memories i had with him,my only kin,my brother.The time when we first met,the time when he brought me out of the hospital ,when he was with me during treatment and finally the last happy memory he has given me before i go.
“Thud!”,i landed. Blood quickly gathered into a pool around me .No,not arround me but my 17year old body.My spirit is now free to roam where it please,freedom at last.A weightless form rising up towards a place where all souls go after death.
What do you think of my story?
This is not well-written. You have not chosen a solid point of view, sometimes you use present and sometimes past tense, your verbs do not agree with their subjects, the spelling is terrible, and the phrases are trite and overused. Not to mention that the subject matter is melodramatic... I am assuming you are either in remedial high school English or that English is not your first language.
You will need to master the basics of writing, grammar and spelling before you can craft a successful story. I know I have been harsh with you, but I believe in the virtue of an honest critique.
Reply:You have written a good story. Congratulations. Keep it up.
Reply:It's pretty good, you obviously like writing. It's very descriptive.
All I noticed were some spelling or grammar problems, but nothing that spell check and a little editing can't fix. And at the end, where you said, "No, not around me, but my 17-year-old body," I think you should take out the "17-year-old" part. Other than the little grammar things like that, I think it's a nice story, and I loved the ending.
When you edit it, don't be afraid to show it off =).
Nice job!
Reply:it was okay, not my choice of topic though. you have a good style of writing, i only wish you had chosen a better storyline. it's pretty cliched, and not that original.
if you had applied your writing skills to a better story, then it would be great!
Reply:well written..descriptive enough to make us imagine the whole scenario..
Reply:It's well written, but it made me feel sad
Reply:hmmm.... a very good read. I think your topic is one that has touch many life's, I think it is one hard for a lot of people to think about or talk aloud of. You do need to spell check and edit this piece, it is worth doing that. Re` read this paragraph by paragraph. line by line. Read it aloud into a recorder and play it back. You will see where it reads very smooth and blended well and you will also notice where it is hard to read, sorta jumpy. You will know that is where it needs editing. Also check out some on line writing forms. You can post there for free, and people will review your work. Check out Authors.com or writing.com it helps to have a place where other writers go. good luck
Reply:you spelled "colors" wrong about 8 times better fix it
Reply:Nice. Continue writing more of these stories !
Reply:hey! very well written, i loved it all! just fix the spelling, great job =)
Reply:WOW.........that was an amazing read. I felt like I was right there watching! You just need to fix the spelling, not that mine is any better :)
horns
Tears fill my eyes and blurred my vision.I start feeling all warm inside and for the first time in 10 years, i smiled.I’m balancing on the side of the building,concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other and moving forward.On my left,there’s the view of the city from 50feet up.Everything below seem so small yet beautiful the lights look like fireflies of different colours.....to my right,i see the source of my hatred ,people of different colours, different races and religions but they all add up to one thing .....hypocrisy.
“cough....,cough!” I remove my hand from my mouth as i felt a wet and sticky substance on my palm.It was of such rich colour of red,my favourite colour.I giggled and my throat hurt.I guess i’m ready to go,i can’t wait anymore.My illness is already promting me.I take one last look at the crowd.My eyes scan through it and every thing started moving in slow motion.I spread my arms out wide,like an eagle soaring.My blood dripped from my hand onto the floor”drip..drip..drip..”
Gravity slowly dragged my body towards the earth and i began tilting ,falling over ....then,someone emerged from the door leading to the roof with a bang and ran towards me with hands outstretched.I was getting further from that famillar face i was waiting to see but i could still see him there,bending over the edge with tears in his eyes,shouting something hardly audible,people restraining him .......
Now,my final wish is fufilled, i can go in peace. I close my eyes.My tears falling along side me,the conners at the sides of my mouth continue remainding in an upward position; Icontinue smiling.As i recall the few happy memories i had with him,my only kin,my brother.The time when we first met,the time when he brought me out of the hospital ,when he was with me during treatment and finally the last happy memory he has given me before i go.
“Thud!”,i landed. Blood quickly gathered into a pool around me .No,not arround me but my 17year old body.My spirit is now free to roam where it please,freedom at last.A weightless form rising up towards a place where all souls go after death.
What do you think of my story?
This is not well-written. You have not chosen a solid point of view, sometimes you use present and sometimes past tense, your verbs do not agree with their subjects, the spelling is terrible, and the phrases are trite and overused. Not to mention that the subject matter is melodramatic... I am assuming you are either in remedial high school English or that English is not your first language.
You will need to master the basics of writing, grammar and spelling before you can craft a successful story. I know I have been harsh with you, but I believe in the virtue of an honest critique.
Reply:You have written a good story. Congratulations. Keep it up.
Reply:It's pretty good, you obviously like writing. It's very descriptive.
All I noticed were some spelling or grammar problems, but nothing that spell check and a little editing can't fix. And at the end, where you said, "No, not around me, but my 17-year-old body," I think you should take out the "17-year-old" part. Other than the little grammar things like that, I think it's a nice story, and I loved the ending.
When you edit it, don't be afraid to show it off =).
Nice job!
Reply:it was okay, not my choice of topic though. you have a good style of writing, i only wish you had chosen a better storyline. it's pretty cliched, and not that original.
if you had applied your writing skills to a better story, then it would be great!
Reply:well written..descriptive enough to make us imagine the whole scenario..
Reply:It's well written, but it made me feel sad
Reply:hmmm.... a very good read. I think your topic is one that has touch many life's, I think it is one hard for a lot of people to think about or talk aloud of. You do need to spell check and edit this piece, it is worth doing that. Re` read this paragraph by paragraph. line by line. Read it aloud into a recorder and play it back. You will see where it reads very smooth and blended well and you will also notice where it is hard to read, sorta jumpy. You will know that is where it needs editing. Also check out some on line writing forms. You can post there for free, and people will review your work. Check out Authors.com or writing.com it helps to have a place where other writers go. good luck
Reply:you spelled "colors" wrong about 8 times better fix it
Reply:Nice. Continue writing more of these stories !
Reply:hey! very well written, i loved it all! just fix the spelling, great job =)
Reply:WOW.........that was an amazing read. I felt like I was right there watching! You just need to fix the spelling, not that mine is any better :)
horns
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