Is my story good?

I want to be a writer but I'm scared my stories are dumb, also, they are kinda short to be a novel, and i have a website for people that have stories or poems and want people to read them, u can email them and I'll post them : freewebs.com/stories2share


thanks!














Survive


This is my newest short story, I hope you enjoy it!





Also, I like writing action-y weird stories, but don't think I'm some disturbed-weird person because I like watching action, thriller and scary movies and they give me new ideas for stories. lol

















Part 1





The music was blaring. Everybody swayed to the beat of the music and some people danced. Blue disposable cups swarmed over every surface possible in the main rooms people were in: the living and family room, the basement, and the loft.


Amanda ran upstairs to find her friend in the master suite bathroom, the birthday boy, Eric, talking to some girl. It was his sixteenth birthday party, his birthday really was a few weeks ago, but they had to have the party this late. She swung open the door when she heard his voice; Eric holding some large bottle, drinking it, but she couldn't tell what it was until he moved his arm and it said " Tequila" and some fancy name underneath.


"Eric." She said through her teeth, "what is that you are drinking?"


"Something," he replied.


"Eric, why are you drinking? Beer is ONE thing, but tequila is another! You know you have to drive me home tonight! Put it down!" She glared at him, then slammed the door.


Amanda tromped down the stairs, avoiding the dancing people and ran out the door. She got outside and sat on the bench, she dialed Sam's number and waited for her to answer.


"Hi Sam!" She shouted over the loud music in the background. Sam was in the house at the party too, but Amanda didn't feel like searching for her since she was really stressed out. She said hi too, when Amanda and heard her swallowing something and wondered if she was drinking too. Ignoring it she said "I found Eric drinking something. Alcohol. So what do you think of that?"


"It's really not that big of a deal, everybody drinks Amanda. Lots of kids snuck them from Eric's parent's bar." Sam said.


"I don't care! I know I might be sounding corny to you Sam but we are underaged and we have to drive home! And if we get caught, half of us don't even have our licenses, only our permits..." after she said that, Amanda closed her phone. She marched right over to the front door and made the biggest entrance she could make.


Amanda searched the whole house and found thirteen people drinking, and snatched their bottles and dumped the drinks down the drain. After that, she filled them all at different levels as before with water, luckily they were all dark bottles so you couldn't really tell about colors. Oh, the suprise the kids will get when they try drinking it again, but then again, what about Eric's parents? Oh well, the kids had to drive back, and I don't want anybody to get hurt...


She met with all of her friends in the backyard around 10:30. She saw Eric come through the backdoor with a bottle again, and was drinking it. He was so drunk, he couldn't even tell he was drinking water!


"Why did you take our drinks Amanda? " Eric said, "You know, like everybody is so mad at you." Then they started talking about how they were going to hunt her down and beat her up...?


"I can't believe you." She mumbled under her breath. They couldn't hear her, but even if they could like, they would even remember it.


Then, everyone started talking to each other with their hand in front of their face like they didn't want Amanda to hear, and then snatched her cup of punch and hid behind the bushes.


"You guys are acting so childish!" she yelled. Then they came back.


"We SWEAR we didn't do anything to your cup." Eric said. She asked "Then why did they take it in the first place!" But like she really believed that they didn't do anything to it. They kept getting closer to her and said "Drink it! Drink it!". If she told them she knew they did something to it, then they would be mad at her, and then they'd say she didn't trust them. Only one cup of stuff she told herself, one BIG cup of stuff. She couldn't decide, what would my parents think? But that was later and this is now, my friends in my face. She felt every second tick by. Amanda picked up the cup from Sam's hand, and drank it. She knew her parents would be really mad at her. After that, she really couldn't decide whether or not she was their friends anymore for what they did to her.








Part 2





Next, she went to the park with her friends. Marc, Eric and Hannah rode in Marc's car, and Sam and Amanda walked. she insisted they didn't put one foot in the car after drinking, but thankfully they made it in one piece. Marc and Hannah sat on the end of the double-seated slide. The rest of them sat on the ground .


"So what do you think our parents will do when they see us like this?" Amanda asked.


"You mean if they see us," Eric said. Amanda sort of did a glare at him, and shouted "It's your faults! You drank, and snuck liquor in my punch!!!" even though she knew she still chose to drink it knowing they did something to it.


Luckily, when Eric passed out then, he was sitting down already. You pig, she thought. Everybody knew Eric drank the most out of all of them. When they were talking again, Hannah passed out in the middle of a sentence. Sam and Marc started arguing until Sam punched Marc in the face and he was knocked out. "Just you and me now Amanda" Sam said, "Amanda, what do we do now? I mean look at all of us..." There was a long pause.


"Well, I give up." Amanda said to Sam, and layed on the soft grass, then looked over at her, but she was already curled up too on the ground, sound asleep.











When Amanda woke up, she tried to stretch and squirm and she opened and closed her eyes in the pillow to get them used to being awake. She yawned, and sat up. It was dim. She reached for her cell phone to check the time when she saw she wasn't at the park, or even at home. Amanda saw bars, she was in a jail cell. She saw a skeleton under her bed and gasped, ran to the corner of the room and gagged. She looked down at herself and saw she was in a grimy t-**** and shorts that were black and white striped. Some uniforms they have here, Amanda thought. It was a tiny cell. She ran to the divider and tried to dig a little bit of plaster stuff out to make a hole to see through. She looked and saw Hannah on the other side. She looked up and saw there was just enough space to the ceiling so she could climb over, so she did.


Amanda ran to the side of the bed where Hannah was, and she noticed that Hannah was still sleeping. She shook her to jar her out of sleep, but she didn't budge. Then she smacked her across the face.


"Gosh!" she yelled, and opened her eyes to see who it was and her eyes widened, she realized too that she wasn't at home.


"Shut up," Amanda snapped quietly and put her hand over Hannah's mouth. "We're in jail...I think. Look over there, see those bars? We are in cells, but it might not really be a jail, because I found and old body under my bed, they can't really do that, can they?" She whispered, and took her hand off of her mouth so she could reply. Just incase it was a real jail, Amanda treated it like a real jail. She climbed over the divider, back to her cell and sat on the bed. "Hello! I would like to make my phone call now!" Then upstairs she heard heavy foot steps, boots, and they trailed heavily and slowly down the stairs until a man appeared at the bottom, in front of Amanda's cell.


"You won't be makin' any phone calls here," The man said. he was dressed in a police uniform, should she believe him? Was he really a police officer? He denied her a phone call, so it mustn't be.


"Where am I? Is this a real jail? When can we go home-"


"Shut up!" He snapped.


"Let me out!!!" Amanda yelled back. The man turned around and then paused when he heard Amanda start to sob, then when he heard what it was, he continued up the stairs. Amanda got off the floor, brushed herself off, and whispered "Don't worry." to Hannah's cell. Through the hole in the wall, she saw Hannah crying. I have to think, how am I going to get out of here? She sat on the bed softly because she remembered it creaking last time she sat down. My retainer! She said in her head. Amanda knew her retainer cost over a hundred bucks, but she had to get out, her mom would understand. She took it out of her mouth and twisted the wires into a stick shape as straight and not kinked as possible. She walked in front of the door and knelt to eye height with the lock and attempted to pick the lock. She remembered doing less complicated locks a few years ago, like her sister's room... and her sister's diary, when...CLICK. She cheered in her head and smiled. She opened the door as small as possible just enough to squeeze through, to reduce creaking noises. She walked quickly to Hannah's cell and studied the outside lock. It was really easy, there was just a lever to pull at the very top, but out of reach because a board blocked the openings of the bars to the person on the inside the cell, then Amanda walked into Hannah's cell.


"Hannah, I got out, and I got you out now, just get up, we're free!" She walked toward Hannah and shook her, but when she did, Hannah's head was separated from her neck and it smacked onto the ground. She stepped back and screamed with hot air coming from her mouth instead of noise.








Part 3








Then, Amanda got up, closed the cell, and went to find her other friends. The next cell was Marc's, get out!"She said in a strong voice before she ran to free the others. At the end of the room, they saw a pile of their clothes, and they grabbed them and quickly put them on. There was also a window that was big enough to crawl out of. Everyone waited for each other to get out, until-BANG! It sounded close. Amanda turned around and saw two men, one of them was the one she saw already, they were both dressed in police uniforms, and they both had guns.


"Frank, should I tranq' 'em?" the new guy said.


"Yep! Get them John!" Then he tried firing, but he missed the first one, but the next four shots, he got them.





The lights shined bright, and Amanda woke up. A short nervous moan brought her back to it. Her head was pounding, and she thought she must have bumped it really hard when she hit the ground. Oh no! She realized, I was tranquilized where am I now? Then, she tried lifting herself, but she couldn't lift past her waist. She looked down and saw that her wrists, ankles, and waist was tied down to a table. She opened her mouth to scream, but it was muffled, there was a cloth tied around her mouth as a gag. Amanda looked around and she saw Marc, Sam, and Eric all tied up too. They were all awake too. Amanda didn't understand it. How could someone be so cruel? What did they want from us? What did we do to deserve this? Amanda looked over at Sam and saw that her leg was bleeding, she was the one moaning, and she still moaned while she squirmed. Amanda kept chewing at her gag to get it off, and did. Amanda kept squeezing her wrists back sideways through the cuffs and they were burning, and red, until she finally got one off, reached over, and untied the other cuffs.


Amanda jumped off of the table and freed Eric, Amanda was limping over to Sam's table when she realized that she was limping, she looked down at her ankle and it was bleeding, her ankle was out of place, and she could see it poking through the skin, she noticed Sam, Eric, Marc all








had injuries too. She painfully popped it backThey all trudged together through the nearest door. SNAP. They all heard a cord snap followed by tick, tick, tick. Out in the hall area, there was a TV, a cartoon appeared on the screen. It was a creepy looking kangaroo with a smirk on its face and it said "Hello. Welcome to the house. Try to get out by 6 AM and you won't be locked in forever. But there are some traps throughout it, so you better watch ooouuu-out. They noticed a little note card on the side of the TV. Eric picked it up and read it aloud: Beware of the maze, which is really the house. Go quickly and quietly like a little mouse. If you don't hurry and strive for freedom with each other, then don't even think about seeing your father or mother.


The TV shut off and they assumed the cord set the timer. The clock on the side of the TV flicked to 12:06, there was six hours left. They went around the corner.


"Should we split up, or stay together?" Eric asked. Everyone shrugged at the same time. Eventually, they decided that they should split: Eric and Marc, and Amanda and Sam. Then every body would use their cell phones and call each other when they found the exit and give directions to help the others find the way out. There was a split in the hallway. Sam stood at one end, and Mark stood at the other, while Eric and Amanda stood in between. Amanda looked into his eyes and said "Eric... be safe. Use your heads so you don't get killed. Goodbye." Then they split up and went down their paths.


"So it's just you and me now Amanda. If they die, then we would loose three of our friends! I can't take that!" Sam said. And Amanda noticed that her voice broke.


"How can this happen to us? What did we do to deserve this? It's not fair!" Amanda said, and then softly, with her head down "It's not fair." Back and forth, around corners, dead ends, it seemed like there was no escape. Sam happened to look over and saw Eric looking down, but Marc wasn't with him.


"Where's Marc?!" Sam yelled.


"I don't know! I was walking, and happened to look around and Marc wasn't there anymore. I started looking for him, but all I saw was a trail of blood, but it stopped at a dead end, but he wasn't there! There was so much, like he couldn't possibly be alive anymore! What did they do with








him?!"


"Oh my gosh! See I knew something would happen! I told you!" Sam screamed.


"It isn't my fault Marc wandered off!" Eric yelled back. Amanda caught a shiny glimpse of something in the corner of her eye as she turned away. It was Marc's cell phone! She ran over to it and said "Look!'' to everyone. She picked it up and flipped it open, and she saw that it was dead. She got her cell phone out to see the time: 2:27, when she saw she had a voicemail. Amanda called her voicemail, "You have one-new-voice-message. First message, sent at 2:16 AM. From "Marc". "Amanda! Heeelp! I'm being-" End of message." Everyone was frozen. It was so loud that everyone else heard. Amanda closed her phone with her face blank and frozen and slipped it back into her pocket.


"They must have put it here on purpose." Eric said.











Part 4





Amanda almost threw up. She couldn't take that already two of her friends were gone. Then she looked over at Sam and Eric. Not them too. Or what if I'm next. Amanda thought.


"Guys, guys! Pull yourselves together! I'm really sorry to tell you that they are gone! They aren't coming back! It's two thirty So be quiet, suck it up and save yourselves while we still have the chance!" Eric yelled, but after he said it, you could tell on his face that he felt sorry for yelling at them. But still even after he said that, Amanda still had a secret crush on him.


"We should stick together this time, three heads are better than one!" Amanda said.


"How about we stand on each other to see where the exit is!" Sam said.


"How about-the walls go up to the ceiling!" Amanda said, "Sorry... I'm just really tired."


"It's okay Amanda, I am too. I understand." Sam said. They turned around the corner and there was a door. "We made it out!" Sam and Amanda jumped, and Eric looked overly happy. Eric opened it and the smile dropped. Amanda and Sam came to his sides to see what it was, because they didn't see sky at the top of the doorway. There was a table with Marc on it, he was dead and his skin was black, he was burned. There was another door behind Marc's table, that had a tiny window, and a sign underneath that said "Caution! Extreme temperatures over 600 Degrees!".


"Let's go." Amanda said, pulling herself together. They stepped out of the room and shut the door. CLICK. The voice of the kangaroo came on the intercom, "You know what happens when you don't make it out in time? Carbon Monoxide. Oh and... you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why, 'cause a trap is coming up right ahead, watch out." They ran as fast as they could around corners and down more hallways. Then there was and end, but with two doors. They both said "EXIT" on the top of them.


"... I'll go in guys." Sam finally said. She stood in front of the left








door, her palm hovering over the nob, she was hesitant, even though she always was the daredevil, even over "Big and Bad" and "Manly" Eric and Marc. She stepped inside, turned around, and looked scared, then, the door swung closed. They heard the noise of a machine starting up. Eric started kicking the door, and Amanda kept pounding on it with her fists. They could hear Sam's screams on the other side and a burst of steam rushed out of the crack at the bottom of the door. Her screams ended, and all the noise that was left was sizzling noises, the sound of when you put fries in a frier.


"Three." Amanda said, choking back her tears, it was barely audible. "Next it's, it's you, or me..."


"Don't you say that Amanda! Don't you ever say that! We are gonna make it home! You hear me?!" Eric shouted. Amanda crashed to the floor.


"Just leave me here, go on." She said.


"No... now get up." Eric said in a stern, low voice. He waited for her, but when she didn't budge, he sat down next to her.


"Don't give up, obviously the exit is the other door. We made it Amanda! Cheer up! I know... we can't just forget about the others... but we just gotta get home. Please, just come on." His eyes welled up to the maximum, and a tear slid down from one eye. Amanda hugged him.


"I 'm so glad you guys have been my best friends. If the others were here, I would say the same thing. Thanks." She said, cheering up. They both stood up, and walked out the door.








Part 5





They stepped onto the dewy grass behind the house. The sun was just peeping rays of light out, and they watched it come up. BAM. The door made a loud clicking noise, it locked, and you could hear sprays from the inside, outside. They ran as fast as they could, and kept looking behind them to make sure nobody was there. It seemed to them, that they ran for miles, and actually, they probably did. Finally, after hours, they saw the figure of a house or a building. They came uo closer to it, expecting someone would be there. At the front door, they knocked, but nobody answered. They started pounding on the door, but still no one answered.


"Should we go in?" Eric asked Amanda, and she shrugged.


"Well, this would be breaking an entry. But the guys might have seen us leave on the cameras. We need someplace to hide!" She replied. Eric lifted his foot to kick the door open, and Amanda was over by the window, but it was already opened. There was thick dust caked on everything.





"How did someone abandon this house? Like they just went out, but never came back? Everything a normal household needs is here, but its just old." Eric said. They kept wandering around, examining the things that were there.


"I found food! Canned food!" Eric said. "But one problem, there's only four cans."


"And I found a duster, and a rag!" Amanda exclaimed, and tossed Eric the rag, and they dusted away. It was a tiny house, just one bedroom, with one bathroom, and a living area/kitchen. They were so dirty when they were finished cleaning the house. Amanda took a shower, but she had to let it run for twenty minutes because the water was so old that was stored in the pipes. After that, Eric took a shower.


Around seven, they were so bored, there was nothing to do. And they could call, other wise they would have when they arrived, but they couldn't get any reception on their cell phones because they were in the middle on nowhere. They just sat on the couch and talked.


"I wonder what our parents are thinking right now. I don't think mine are worrying." Eric said.


"Don't say that Eric! They care about you, they were probably upset that you didn't have the house cleaned and ready for them like you were supposed to, but then again, we were kidnapped, so we really couldn't."


"Amanda, I'm really sorry I got us all into this mess. If I hadn't started drinking, and helped them put liquor in your punch, this... wouldn't have happened." Eric said.


"Yeah, but it was still my fault for drinking it. I still knew you guys did something to it. It's just, I thought that you guys would be mad at me if I said 'no'. There was a long pause. "But I wonder what my parents are thinking too.... My little sister Kelly."


"Aww," Eric said, and he wasn't being sarcastic. "Let's get some sleep. We need to get up early in the morning, set your phone alarm for six." Eric said. Amanda nodded and they went to the bedroom. There was a stench and they followed it to the closet in the bedroom, but didn't dare open it.


"I'll sleep on the floor." Eric said.


"No, I will." Amanda replied. Eric stared at her, and she said "Fine."


"Tomorrow we'll try figure things out." Eric said.


"Eric, I feel bad about making you sleep on the floor." Amanda said. She pulled her hood up so she wouldn't have to touch the dirty bedding.


"Don't. Because tomorrow night, you will." Eric said. They started laughing. "Night."


"Good night." Amanda said, as she turned out the light. "Honey." She whispered.


"-What did you say?" Eric asked, puzzled.


"- Nothing. I said goodnight. Now... goodnight. " And they drifted off to sleep.





Amanda screamed, and fell out of the bed and landed on Eric's feet, then she crawled over and turned on the light. Eric moaned.


"What is it Amanda? It's like," Eric looked at the clock on the wall,


" three in the morning, turn out the light." He said, while he shielded his eyes.


" I felt something, touch my face, was it you?" She asked.


"No. You were probably just, (yawn), dreaming it." Eric replied


"No Eric, I've been drifting in and out of sleep, and that time, I swear I was awake. Something touched my face! " Amanda said, trying not to








shout very loud. CLICK. The front door closed. It was very quiet, but in that moment of silence, it was very loud. They bolted over to the window and saw tall grass moving in a trail backward. They left. Eric believed her then. They went out together to the main room and Amanda locked the door. Amanda walked back to the bedroom thinking Eric was behind her, but she turned around and he wasn't.


"I'm gonna stay out here, keep an eye out." Eric said. Amanda nodded. Eric sat down on the couch and then stretched his legs out across it. She went to the bedroom and waited twenty minutes, acting like she was sleeping. Amanda didn't want to be alone after this just happened so she went in the living room and lay on the floor. They both went to sleep for the night.


Amanda woke up, but Eric was already outside. It was cold early in the morning.


"Morning Eric. Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked, but he didn't say anything. He was sitting in a lawn chair, and his back was to her. "Eric?" She asked, and walked around to his other side and he buried his head in his arms and lap. He was crying. She patted his back. "What's wrong?" she asked. He sniffled and wiped his face with his arm and stood up. "I was waiting for you, we can go get some food now. But we have to go fast." He said. She nodded and they left. They found a little garden, some tomatoes and potatoes, and there was an apple tree. They picked some and ran back to the house. They ate and were bored the rest of the day again.


That night Amanda slept on the floor and Eric slept on the bed.


"Eric!"Amanda yelled. "Some thing touched my face again!"


"Again?" He asked. They heard the click again, but this time it was the bedroom door. Eric bolted to the window. "Amanda, get weapons! I didn't see anyone leave! He's outside!" Eric whispered. Amanda ran to the closet. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the stench that was about to come. She opened the door and stepped inside. There was junk scattered on the floor. But in the middle of the closet, there was a bookcase that had nicknacks and pictures. There was on big one. It was a silver picture frame with a picture of a woman. She was elderly, about 65 to 70. On the frame, it said "Mom". She looked so familiar. Amanda realized that it was the sons' mother when she looked at the bottom shelf








and there was a double picture frame that had the "police officer" sons. This was their house! Behind the bookcase was a sliding door, she opened it and there was a dozen dead bodies, she saw Marc, Sam, and Hannah's headless body in the closet. Amanda wretched and fell back. Someone caught her. She looked up and it was Eric. He said "What?" She couldn't even get any words out and just pointed, and when he saw it he almost dropped her, so he pushed her back up. They ran out of the room and down the hallway until someone stepped out from around the corner. It was Frank.


"Not so fast" he said.








Part 6





"Where do you think you're going? Frank said.


"Home!" Eric shouted, and kicked Frank in the face. He fell on his back and Amanda jumped on top of him. She punched his face again and again. Then she did one big blow to his stomach repeatedly and Eric kicked his sides and thighs. On one big final punch to his nose and it gushed out blood. She stood up and Eric raised his foot over Franks face.


"Should I give him the "death sentence" Amanda?" Eric said.


Amanda grabbed him and pulled him to the side.


"No."Amanda said, "I know something better, make him suffer like they did until we get the cops!" Then they grabbed him and threw him in the closet. Eric boarded it shut and they ran off.


They ran and ran. This time when they ran, they ran to the side, not the direction that they came from. Finally, they came to a dirt road. But there were no cars in sight. They still continued down the street. A car came by. They started jumping around and jumped in the middle of the street. Eric and Amanda looked really dirty, especially their clothes. The little rusty green car stopped at the side of the road, their helplessness appearance must have made them stop to pick up complete strangers.


"Thank you so much!" Amanda said. "Do you have a cell phone we can use? Ours died."


"No, I'm sorry. But I do have two chargers. (chuckle) I left my cell phone at home. What's your brand?" The man said.


"I have a...C6J890" Amanda said.


"Okay, I have a C6, see if this one fits." The man handed her the charger and she put it in. "It fits!" The man plugged it in and she turned on her cell phone. She started to dial 9-1-1, but stopped. While the phone rang she asked "What city are we in?... Well, we had some car trouble. We aren't crazy or anything."


"Baton Rouge." He said, and looked at her suspiciously. Amanda hung up the phone. What if he thinks something wrong and doesn't believe we were kidnapped? He would kick us out and my phone wouldn't be charged enough. So I'll wait twenty minutes. They just drove down the dirt road, there was nothing on it, it seemed like it went on








forever. Finally, she looked at the clock and thirty minutes had passed.


"What street are we on?" Eric asked.


"Mully road. It connects with Danburt Street, way at the end."


"Hello? I need some help! We are on Mully Road by Danburt in Baton Rouge. Send cars, we had been kidnapped, but right now we got a ride! We would like to go home!" Amanda said.


"Will do, help is on the way." The operator said.


"We'll take it from here." Eric said. And they stepped out of the car at Danburt and Mully. They sat on the side of the road and finally the police cars came.


Eric and Amanda got inside the police car and drove to the police airport to be escorted home.


On the plane they sat in their seats and ate two meals each. Finally, when they were done they talked.


"I can't believe we are finally going home Amanda!" Eric said.


"I know!" Amanda replied.


"I...I love you." Eric said.


"You do?!?" She asked. He nodded.


"I love you too." And they went home.








Epilogue





The parents of the group of friends were all devastated when they found out about what had happened to all of them.


Their case made world news.


Eric and Amanda stayed together and ended up getting accepted into the same colleges. Amanda majored in art and Eric majored in journalism. All through college they stayed together.


Eventually the couple broke up, thinking it was the best thing to do.


When Eric and Amanda were both 26, they got back together for three years and got married. Two years later, their case became a movie and became the most popular movie in ten years. Eric and Amanda made money for agreeing to the story and moved into a large house and had three dogs and two cats. Eventually, they had three kids: two girls and a boy and named them Hannah, Sam and Marc.

Is my story good?
You have quite an imagination! I skimmed it at first and then went back because after all the talk about alcohol, I thought it was going to be a morality statement. But after the second read, I really enjoyed it! I do not know how you all got to the "jail" or whatever as you left that out. And when Marc was found dead, I thought maybe your story was a dream or at least a joke, like in that movie "Happy Birthday" or something like that. But as it turned out it was like The Chainsaw Massacre! I would be honored to be your editor (you could certainly use one) when you write another story for publication; I assume you are in your teens, right? But I think you should "Go girl go"!!!. I really read every word. Thanks for the entertainment. Vicki PS: I love mysteries and scary movies, books and whatever. Read Andrew Klavan sometime!
Reply:WOW. that's a lot. to tell you the truth, I only read the first few lines but I thought your writing was pretty ok. It was good. But I think to get the reader hooked you want to pull them in with those first few lines. Make it seduce them, you know?


:]
Reply:Sorry but as someone who has been a proud member of AA for 12 1/2 years, I completely disagree with the concept "Beer is one thing but tequila is another". More alcohol related deaths involve beer than any other liquor. Yes beer is liquor. It gets you just as drunk and when you kill someone driving drunk on beer, the people get just as dead. I couldn't read past that statement. It is very irresponsible to give young people that impression. Sorry. It is just wrong. Pax-C